Hi. Hello. TGIFall to all who celebrate even though yes I know it’s not technically fall for another fifteen days blah blah blah whatever.
Anyone else get that “aww, it’s back to school time” feeling after Labor Day and miss folder, binder and notebook shopping at Staples the last week of August or is that just me? (The yellow notebook was always for English. Green was for social studies. And red? Math. Duh.)
Anyways, enjoy your PSL* while reading my latest screaming(s) into the void. Hope that’s ok. Profuse apologies if not.
CAN WE NOT…
With this whole pitting Olivia Rodrigo vs. Taylor Swift bullshit anymore? I rarely comment on pop culture because this will be old news like next week but evidently not this particular story according to my feed. To which I say WHO TF CARES?! Leave them alone. Pitting women against each other is so 2013 and uninspired. Olivia is sounding more bitter in interviews lately and the woman is only 20. At least let her make it to 30 before she gets jaded by the industry. Get a hobby, media outlets and oh, I don’t know, pit the men against one another for a change in the interim while you reconsider your poor life decisions. (Also happy GUTS release day to all who celebrate.)
CAN WE NOT…
Just gonna leave this here.
CAN WE NOT…
With the damn paper straws anymore now that this little gem was published? It was a noble effort, truly, but now that we know what we know, my oat milk iced latte shall be enjoyed to the fullest sans disintegrating-blue-and-white-cardboard-flake-added-protein.
CAN WE NOT…
Make unsubscribing from a spam newsletter harder than procuring a ticket to the Eras Tour?! Somehow in trying to do so this week I ended up increasing my spam newsletters by 150% and I have never felt more old and out of touch with technology.
CAN WE NOT…
With the coupon code for the frozen yogurt I was trying to avoid impulse buying for a “me” day (aka every other day) upon exiting out of the app, Postmates? Fuck you very much. It shall and always will work on me. Every. Single. Time.
CAN WE NOT…
With the whole mandated all-corporations-must-post-all-job-openings-charade when the job literally doesn’t exist and already went internal two weeks ago? Very cute. But like, enough. I know a wolf in sheeps clothing when I see it or whatever the appropriate metaphor for this is and as I type this I don’t think it’s that but I’m sticking to it.
CAN WE NOT…
With those coupon bundle saver things in the mail? Last time I checked I am not 87 years old nor will I be appearing on Extreme Couponing so I think we can all agree we can do the already exhausted and crumbling environment a favor and chill with the unnecessary paper waste, yeah?
CAN WE NOT…
Be this beach’s DJ?! Sorry not sorry sir, but last I checked, no one wants to sit through your EDC** set at this dog beach and now my fellow disgruntled compatriots and myself have to haul our shit a solid five mile radius away from your inconsiderate ass.
CAN WE NOT…
With the tiny ass trash cans seemingly made for like, a gerbil, in hotel rooms? I don’t need to be visually reminded what a monster I am by the sheer amount of garbage of consume overflowing over the side of your doll house receptacle. Give me the industrial-sized trash can. AESTHETIC BE DAMNED.
CAN WE…
All take a moment of silence for the time I lost following #BamaRush last month. I could be, like, a New York Times Best Selling author by now with all the time I lost for no rational reason.
CAN WE…
Stop with the awkward make-the-podcast-guest-sit-in-silence-for-like-five-minutes- before-introducing-them trend? This is a very specific one I know but when I see there’s a great guest in your description, I just imagine all the things the guest could’ve said or added that would’ve been way more interesting then your standup tour dates.
CAN WE…
Believe that Adam Sandler Netflix movie wasn’t shit and his daughters, while nepobabies, actually have some acting chops?! This girl could and can not.
CAN WE…
All have a great weekend? :) See what I did there?
Any others you want to add in the comments below? Of course you do. The possibilities are endless. Don’t get lazy on me now.
K. Thanks for reading. Gonna get my PSL on now. Bye.
*PSL=Pumpkin Spice Latte
**EDC=Electric Daisy Carnival