FGF
post-op edition
Happy FGF all!
Although, have to say it could certainly be a much better FGF for me because as I started writing this, I am freshly two hours out of surgery and laid up in my new home—bed, and all evidence would lead to that meaning I’m already going stir crazy. Naturally the first place I had to go to debrief was here to you, dear FGF reader.
Here’s everything I thought pre, during and post meniscus surgery.
This is how your email finds me
Pre-Surgery: The Googling Era
One week before surgery:
Meniscus surgery. Very common. Athletes get this all the time. This is basically the knee equivalent of a tune-up. A light oil change. A spa day for ligaments. Right? RIGHT?!
Five days before surgery:
Googles: How long until I can run again after meniscus surgery?
Internet: Six months. Me: Okay but like… what if I…don’t do that.
Three days before surgery:
At the LA Marathon Strides in Recovery 15.7-mile cheer station pretending to be emotionally stable while secretly crying watching strangers run past me. Love that for me.
Night before surgery:
I’M GOING TO DIE THIS ISN’T GOING TO WORK I HATE FASTING I AM SO PARCHED WHAT TF iS THIS TERRIBLE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM
Morning of surgery:
Haven’t slept in two days but I’m like, weirdly calm.
Immediately followed by see above.
At the Surgery Center
After paying an astronomical fee out of pocket that had me nearly crying (don’t get me started), the check-in process is a very humbling experience where approximately nine different people ask you the same questions.
Name? Birthdate? What procedure are we doing today? Which knee? Initial the knee. Medical history? Any questions on your impending doom? And then by the fifth time you start wondering if this is a psychological test.
“Yup. I’m here for the left knee meniscus surgery because I’m a stubborn idiot and didn’t listen to doctors orders, thanks so much for reminding me for the 17th time. If someone suddenly says we’re doing a liver transplant I will have questions but sir / ma’am, can we please get on with this damn thing already.”
Then it’s time to slip into the world’s sexiest outfit of all time before slipping out completely.
And by that I mean…
Meeting the Anesthesiologist
Anesthesiologists are fascinating because they casually hold the power to turn your consciousness off like a laptop and yet they talk about it with the vibe of someone explaining a slow cooker recipe.
“Okay, so we’ll give you a little something in your IV and then I’m gonna inject you with a nerve blocker but you’ll be out for that so don’t even worry…”
Sir. That “little something” is about to send me to the shadow realm.
Rolling Into the OR
There is something extremely surreal about being wheeled into surgery while a group of (almost) complete strangers prepares to fix your knee. I literally said to the two of them wheeling me in “I feel like I’m in The Pitt and I’ve never even seen the show. Do you watch The Pitt"?” “Nope. But Scrubs is great.” Good to know as I bed rot.
My brain the minute I got in that sterile, scary room: “Wow there are a lot of machines.” “Should I have done more squats in my life?” “I hope my leg behaved in there.” The anesthesiologist said something like: “Okay, you’ll start feeling sleepy.” Which is the medical equivalent of: “Goodnight forever (temporarily).” I remember there was rap playing in the background. I like their style.
During Surgery
Girl thank god I had no thoughts during surgery because that would’ve meant something went seriously wrong. Best black out of my life though. 10/10 would do again. (But like, not really. Anesthesia is still scary, kids.)
Waking Up
Waking up from anesthesia is a deeply confusing experience. You open your eyes and immediately think where the hell am I, did that happen already, how long was I out, why is my mouth so dry, am I… emotionally attached to this blanket, why are the lights in here so bright, MAKE THESE VITAL SIGNS BEEPING STOP.
Post-Surgery Thoughts
Hour 1: Ok cool, I’m alive. There’s a win. Checks phone - sees impending Iran drone strikes on California. Maybe not for long.
Hour 6: Wait, wow. Did you know that healthy bending knees are actually like really important to everyday life. This SUCKS. At least the nerve block is helping a little.
Hour 8: Poor Sean Johnson.
Hour 12: I’m just never going to sleep again this is the most uncomfortable sleep of my life oh my god I can’t stop sweating but I can’t shower for another four days this is hell.
Hour 14: Why the hell didn’t they tell me I’d be peeing so much after the anesthesia wore off? Walking the 7 steps to the bathroom is a 20 minute ordeal. WTF. I may as well make the bathtub my bed at this point.
Hour 18: Poor Ozzy.
Hour 24: No, but really how the F does anyone get around doing anything without physically bending their knee? Try it for one day. I dare you. This F’ING BLOWS. Starts crying.
Hour 28: Gets and email from this years Chicago Marathon saying I’m on the waitlist. Starts crying again.
Hour 29: Sees a runner outside my prison window. See above.
Hour 32: I would like to personally thank every healthy knee I have ever used as well as your healthy knees, dear reader. Say hello to them for me. Kiss them. Love them. Don’t take them for granted ever again.
And by the time you read this I’ll be at 48 hours and can at least take off that annoyingly hot sleeve on the right foot, so, oh goody, there’s at least that to look forward to.
Recovery (all barely two days of it) has been deeply humbling, frustrating and reflective, so much so that I have a new religion I adhere to. It is called Tylenol 1000mg extra strength. Blessed be the acetaminophen.
In all seriousness though, I’m just grateful for modern medicine and a knee that (eventually) will get back to doing the thing it apparently loves most: letting me run ridiculous distances for fun. (Which, yes, is why it filed a complaint in the first place. Semantics.)
Now please send me any and all of your book / tv / movie recs. (And thank you to so many of you that already did!)
Have a great Oscars weekend all.
THE SHALLOW STUFF
Ready to laugh?
Hopefully by now you saw this go viral. Now watch this.
Ready to smile?
Shoutout to my dog park friend Pixie for this adorable reel of Ozzy and his bffs Blu’s playdate the other day. I may or may not have cried when I saw this. I blame the drugs.
Ready for your pump up song for the weekend?
One of my fav songs off of Harry’s new album.
THE DEEP STUFF
Ready to cry?
Ready to be inspired?
Man do I love when a community comes together to spread joy to those who need it most.
Also…just wow to the below. What was I doing at 10? Damn.
Finally, we may have fittingly lost an hour on International Women’s Day this past Sunday, but let’s focus on the positive here! Worth a click.
Ready for your good deed of the week?
The influencer who raised millions for 88 year old veteran Ed Bambas is doing a free 7 day kindness challenge finally started on Monday. You should join! https://community.wearekindr.com/challenge
THREE THINGS I’M LOVING THIS WEEK
BOOK: A Marriage At Sea: A True Story of Love, Obsession and Shipwreck by Sophie Elmhirst
Logline: The electrifying true story of a young couple shipwrecked at sea: a mind-blowing tale of obsession, survival, and partnership stretched to its limits.
ALBUM: Harry Style’s Kiss All The Time. Disco, Occasionally
SHOW: Love Story
I’m late to it but since I’m laid up in post-op, have been somewhat enjoying it even though I wouldn’t say I’m love loving it. Good enough.
